Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
