I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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