Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
