Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
