fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
