but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
