; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
