Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
