For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
