we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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