That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
