a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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