'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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