At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
