He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
