Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
