I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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