you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bring money and cleavage
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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