so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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