In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
