He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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