return my video game
why didn't you poke me back
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
