just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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