Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
