Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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