Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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