I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
