If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
