At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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