What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
