Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
