All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
