i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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