I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
