I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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