White coat. Heels.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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