I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
