when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
