This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
