I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
