so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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