A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
