My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
