I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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