I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
