We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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