OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
