Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
