I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
