He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
