it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
