Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize