We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
