So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
