so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
