Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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