Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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