I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
