The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
