I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
