last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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