i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
