So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
