In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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