So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We need to get me chipped asap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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