Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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