it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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