I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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