I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
