Welp...herpes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
