I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
