I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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